Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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