Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
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I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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