remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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