David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
