i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
