Having a random hookup so left but love u
I puked a lego.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
