I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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