you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
