i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
