The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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