im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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