Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
