I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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