HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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