a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
