new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
