I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
