What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
