I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
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the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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