I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think I died a long time ago.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
