you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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