just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
