fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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