i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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