I faked an abortion last night.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
