What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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