I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
