where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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