google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
