Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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