My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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