Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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