I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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