You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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