what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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