I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize