So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.