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you guys were way drunker than both of me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
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