Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife

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  (812): If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife http://tfl.nu/4wdu
  Replies (2) Good night (823) Bad night (948)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."

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  (780): I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked." http://tfl.nu/ikiz
  Replies (37) Good night (4983) Bad night (736)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen

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  (864): I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen http://tfl.nu/n18y
  Replies (34) Good night (6989) Bad night (1576)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life

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  (484): If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life http://tfl.nu/iybt
  Replies (13) Good night (1505) Bad night (3174)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"

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  (+27): Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party" http://tfl.nu/3xpc
  Replies (10) Good night (1471) Bad night (2352)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.

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  (216): Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it. http://tfl.nu/vbdo
  Replies (3) Good night (1133) Bad night (827)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘

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  (907): I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘 http://tfl.nu/3lq0
  Replies (11) Good night (2717) Bad night (941)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Why am I always the sober one?

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...

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  (515): Why am I always the sober one? (641): Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power... http://tfl.nu/bz1n
  Replies (4) Good night (1827) Bad night (680)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  all 3? possibly?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I think I'm up to the challenge.

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  (410): Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone. (732): all 3? possibly? (410): I think I'm up to the challenge. http://tfl.nu/jtli
  Replies (4) Good night (1468) Bad night (885)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.

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  (724): It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over. http://tfl.nu/5f4b
  Replies (3) Good night (725) Bad night (498)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.

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  (808): Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned. http://tfl.nu/vl4n
  Replies (3) Good night (538) Bad night (438)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month

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  (727): I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month http://tfl.nu/88hb
  Replies (1) Good night (540) Bad night (273)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.

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  (919): Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him. http://tfl.nu/jn2a
  Replies (2) Good night (1003) Bad night (334)
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  (818): View more from California

  xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls

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  (818): xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls http://tfl.nu/ri3j
  Replies (1) Good night (522) Bad night (334)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave

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  (540): Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave http://tfl.nu/8wob
  Replies (3) Good night (371) Bad night (154)

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