someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.