I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
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I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.