So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Randomize
