youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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