mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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