im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
