As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
