I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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