I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
