how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
