Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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