did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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