My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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