she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
