You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
