U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
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Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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