I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
