I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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