I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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