Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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