I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
