they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
