I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
