dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
