I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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