Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
