I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
