Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
