mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
