i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
