I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
