I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
