Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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