we're chasing vodka with high fives
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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