Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
