Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
