I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
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I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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