I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
