I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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