do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
